We’re back, and for the very first time due to the fact that the very first time, we’re top to the miracle ‘80s. Today’s suggestion originates from Troy Vera, who writes:

“I would love to read your take it on Wang Chung’s “Dance room Days”...it is going to it is in the subject of the following tawdry book collection that 16 and also 60 year old females will certainly be sneaking to occupational to review on your lunch break.”

Note to everyone: If you want to attract me to pick your song, to compare it come the greatest publication of all time, 50 Shades that Grey. I will not to speak no. Speaking of which, if you have a song you think needs to be carefully analyzed for horror content, send us an e-mail at mailbag
gaianation.net.

You are watching: Dance all day long 80s song

I need to admit that I’ve never heard the this song, even though it has actually over two million see on YouTube. Still, how bad could it be? it seems prefer an ode to an ext innocent times, as soon as all us cared about was the dance hall. Just how quaint! Nobody even calls it the “dance hall” anymore, other than in Utah, wherein words like “disco” and also “club” acquire you thrown in prison. Personally, i think trojan is dead wrong and we’re walk to discover that any kind of sign of horror was simply a funny misunderstanding.


So let’s check it out! together usual, ns won’t be researching any kind of context until afterward. Lyrics in bold, my comment after.

 

Take your baby by the hand

Come on, Troy! This is clear just standard feel-good Americana, hearkening earlier to a time that square dances and town picnics and quilting bees. He’s just taking his girl by the hand. He is going a’courtin’! Why room you so cynical?

And make her carry out a high hand stand

Hmmm…okay, it is a small off. Why would certainly you pressure someone to do a hand stand? and what specifically is a “high” hand stand? Is that whereby you’re not permitted to use your head because that balance? yet no, that would certainly be dubbed a “head stand.” perhaps it’s a measure of exactly how lot you’re permitted to bend your elbows, or—GODDAMIT I’M shedding FOCUS. THE HANDSTAND IS no IMPORTANT.

What is vital is the the singer is advocating that we pressure women into non-consensual hand stands. Okay admit, that’s a little strange and not a communication I’d necessarily support. However I’m certain there’s a an excellent explanation.


Take her baby by the heel

Look, ns going come say it: That’s not as innocent as taking your baby by the hand. If you’re acquisition your infant by the heel, friend owe united state all an explanation.

And perform the following thing the you feel

TROY, i APOLOGIZE. YOU were RIGHT. WANG CHUNG IS WEIRD.

This line is therefore insanely creepy, and I can’t help but notification that the singer’s facial expression when he delivers the line in the video clip is exactly as terrifying as you can imagine:

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Shudder. You perform NOT desire to run across that dude in a run hall. Or any public setting, really.

I hesitate to also ask this following question, however I feeling a moral obligation: What is that following thing that you feel, Wang Chung? What is it??! would you totter them about dangerously? would you steal your shoes? means worse? Actually, forget it. Ns don’t desire the answer.

We to be so in phase In our dance hall days

Were you, though? to be you really in phase when you were constantly forcing people to perform high hand stands, or acquisition them by the heel and also then act the next thing girlfriend feel? Those aren’t even dance moves, Wang Chung guy! go you notice that you had actually fewer and fewer run partners end time? walk you acquire kicked out of a lot of dance halls? Did many of the neighborhood places offer the bouncers a photograph of you, and put up indicators like, “Touching Anyone’s hoe is strict Prohibited”? yes a reason for that, Wang Chung guy, and you room that reason.

We were cool top top craze

That’s not a thing.

When I, you and everyone we knew could believe, do, and share in what was true


Conversation amongst Wang Chung guy’s peer group upon see him go into the dance hall.

Girl 1: Oh, kid of a bitch. That invited the guy?

Girl 2: i am no doing an additional high stand. Ns am fucking not doing it.

Girl 3: Uh, girlfriend think you had it bad? last Friday he held me by my heels and gave me a wedgie for an entire song. And the tune was “In mine Time of Dying” by Led Zeppelin. THAT’S over 10 MINUTES, GUYS. Why would they also play that tune here?

Girl 1: always keep your hands in your pockets. And if he reaches for her heels, just run. Believe me, simply run.

Take you infant by the hair

Oh good, we’re ago to the mental advice section.

And pull her close and also “there over there there”

It doesn’t make it far better when girlfriend console who after manhandling their hair, hands, and heels, Wang Chung guy.

Have you noticed the all his commands are highly specific? It’s favor he’s reading from his an individual nightmare journal. This is a sure authorize of a pyschopath. The the same way some serial killers should arrange their dead victims choose a famous painting, or do a coat from their skin Buffalo invoice style. There’s always a weirdly directed advice underlying the violence, and also Wang Chung man seems to be acting out his own private rituals here. Bottom line: If Wang Chung male is around, avoid dance halls because that a few days.


NOT IN THE run HALL, WANG CHUNG! THIS IS NOT the time OR THE PLACE!

Take her baby by the ears and play upon she darkest fears

Oh mine God oh my God five my God. Trojan was right, this man should it is in arrested. I’ve sustained a many frightening lines in the past month, yet this one might cut the deepest. I deserve to feel that in the pit of my stomach. That feels favor I’m tied to a chair in a basement.

Although, if i’m being honest, I perform kind of want to buy Wang Chung’s dance instructional video. Ns imagine it would certainly be 30 minutes of violence and also sinister monologues. So unconventional! i’m an awkward dancer, and maybe this is what I’ve been missing. I should play upon fear more.

We were so in phase In our dance hall days we were cool on craze when I, you and everyone us knew can believe, do, and share in what was true

“I nothing necessarily think about this true, together such.”

-Woman who has actually just been be crazy by her heels, forced into a handstand position, consoled in creepy fashion, and reminded the she hates spiders.


So take your baby by the wrist

For part reason, it take it me this long to realize just how menacing words “baby” is here. And I additionally just realized that he’s advising united state to perform all these things to a single female, presumably our girlfriend. Call me crazy, but I think that girl would have actually dumped me at some point after the required handstand or the hoe grabbing. Also if she in which method lasted to the part where I got her by the ears and also played on her fears, i think the was definitely the end.

And in her mouth one amethyst

I’d love to provide you the advantage of the doubt and also say you’re just being descriptive and also metaphorical, Wang Chung guy, but based upon the remainder of her lyrics, I deserve to only i think you’re asking united state to literally force the rock into she mouth to meet some dreadful fetish. And also I’m not up because that that.

And in her eyes 2 sapphires blue

Again, “sapphire blue” is a fine way to describe somebody’s eyes. In a typical song, I’d contact it great imagery and also move along. Right here though, it simply feels a lot like I’m gift asked come violently eliminate someone’s eyeballs and replace them v two jewel I brought along because that the occasion. What you desire to execute in the privacy of her own house is one thing, Wang Chung guy, but again, no IN THE run HALL! WHAT walk I simply SAY?! not HERE!


Actually, don’t perform that in the privacy of your own house either, please.

we were for this reason in phase In our dance hall days we were cool top top craze once I, you and everyone we knew could believe, do, and also share in what was true

To recap, right here are a perform of points Wang Chung men thinks space “true”:

Non-consensual handstands, heel-related impulse violence, hair-pulling, forcing gemstones right into eyes and mouths, ear-and-wrist-grabbing, preying top top fears.

And those are just the points we could get to in a brief song. Is over there a tumblr wherein we deserve to read the rest? If so, you re welcome report it to the FBI immediately.

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***

And it is that! i looked at the song’s Wikipedia page for context, however all I see is that it did really well on the charts once it to be released in 1984. There’s nothing at all to diminish the utter terror we all feel appropriate now.

Official horror Rating: 9.1

examine out ours previous installments:

don’t You desire Me – The human LeagueFake Palindromes – Andrew BirdYoung Girl – Gary Puckett and The Union Gap